Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
