Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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