no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
