i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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