I seem to have left my pride at pride
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
