I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
