I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Still dying that you shit outside
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
