Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
