Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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