Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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