I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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