bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
