It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
