I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
