there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
