Please, let me fuck your mom
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
