he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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