Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
