best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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