Sponge bath it is.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
