That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
