Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Do you have feelings for this penis?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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