Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
