2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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