I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
