I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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