Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
