He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
