He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
