I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
