Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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