Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
