I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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