Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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