We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
nutella sex= disaster
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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