Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
