life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
