i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
