I CAN MOONWALK!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
