People in love make me want to vomit
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
