is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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