I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
