I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
