Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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