i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
