awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
