Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
