in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
