If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
