I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
