I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
