as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
