He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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